Reset.

I have to say two things. I'm not surprised, and I'm completely disgusted, ashamed, and embarrassed of myself. I weighed thirty pounds less than this just four months ago. I went on vacation for four days that turned into four months of binge eating and not exercising. Clearly I am dealing with some serious food addiction and eating disorder issues. But I have to look forward. I am going to try and remember that today can be the last day that I have to see that number, ever again.

THE PLAN:
I'm continuing with Weight Watchers, despite the fact that they just changed the plan significantly, because I've had tremendous success with it in the past, and I attend a wonderful meeting full of supportive people who have my back. I was jogging 30 minutes three days a week when I fell off four months ago. I think I'll try some YouTube fitness videos I found for obese people - low impact and easy on the knees because they have been bothering me as of late.

I will take measurements tonight after my boys go to bed. I'm going to try to only weigh in once a week, but I'm a chronic weigher so that may be difficult.

I'd like to make time to update this blog a few times a week. Journaling, connecting with others, and reflecting have always had a very positive impact on me.

I went to see a movie with my husband this weekend and there was a cheesy Coke commercial on during the previews. It opened on a teenage boy walking out the door and saying goodbye to his parents. The Dad then said, "I hope her Dad likes him" and the two reminisced on their first date. In that moment, I realized yet again that I may not be here when my boys begin dating if I don't change my life RIGHT NOW. I'm ready. I owe it to them. I owe it to me.